it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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