i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize