I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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