Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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