Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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