I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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