They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize