Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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