Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
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I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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