my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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