im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize