it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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