a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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