Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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