Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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