I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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