Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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