i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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