How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In other news, I just burned my penis
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize