Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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