Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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