I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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