Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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