Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize