theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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