wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize