my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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