My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
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my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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