Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize