I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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