i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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