Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize