So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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