I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
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