Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We need to rekindle our bromance
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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