I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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