when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize