I am in a vortex of obligation.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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