based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize