guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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