woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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