if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize