Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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