I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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