you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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