i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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