I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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