I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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