So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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