I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize